Insane Omake For the Discerning Reader
by Luce
Summary: *CH.3:The Shishio/Kenshin Catfight* Ridiculous OOC-ness as the demented author makes the characters of RK say/do things that they...well...wouldn’t. Also includes: silly/twisted outtakes. Yes, it’s been done, but dammit, I want to try too! ^_^ Please
1. Kenshin Goes Potty Mouth!

Disclaimer: I do own Rurouni Kenshin; in fact, Watsuki (that damned bastard!) stole it from me and called it his! How rude! *please look up "sarcasm" in your Merriam-Webster dictionary. Thank you. 

Author's Notes: Heelllooooo! This is my first attempt at writing RK fanfiction, and what do I do? I write something that has probably been done a million times over, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. If these scenes somehow resemble something you/someone you know has written before, it is completely accidental and I apologize for the similarity. I include both original scenes *stifling laughter* and altered scenes from the anime. Enjoy! And review, of course :) 

Dedications: Dedicated to my lovely friend Kitsune no Alz, who writes wonderful fanfic :) She sparked the idea with a parody somewhat similar to the first scene. Arigatou, Alz-chan! 

**Scene 1**

Shishio: *feral grin at Kenshin, who he's dangling in the air due to the great difference in his and Shishio's height* Will you also become my prey? *bites a great chunk out of Kenshin's shoulder* 

Kenshin: *screams like a girl because getting bitten out of is very painful, and because his seiyuu is...um...a woman* 

Shishio: *chewing happily* Raw meat...yummy... 

Kenshin: *stops screaming* You bastard! *grabs Shishio by the shoulders and takes a bite out of HIS shoulder* 

Shishio: *screams like a man because...uh...his seiyuu's a man* 

Kenshin: *gnawing thoughtfully* Tastes like beef-jerky. 

Sano: *mutters* Cannibalistic freaks. 

**Scene 2**

Shishio: *walks down catwalk, strutting his stuff* I'm too sexy for my bandages, too sexy for my bandages...*pelvic thrust* 

Kenshin: What the fuck de gozaru yo?! 

**Scene 3**

Kaoru: *absentmindedly* Kenshin, will you please go buy some tofu? *turns away to go back into the dojo* 

Kenshin: *grabs her by the waist* Come back, bitch! *kisses her passionately, tongue and all* 

Kaoru: *wide eyes* Ken...shin... 

Kenshin: *wiggles his eyebrows, amber eyes glowing* Battousai wants to play! 

**A/N:** Hahahahahaha! *cough* Sorry. I apologize if making Kenshin curse so much offends you, but I find it rather amusing. Go Kenshin! Let loose the potty mouth! 

**Scene 4**

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono, this unworthy one just wants to protect you, de gozaru yo. 

Kaoru: *sighs* I know, Kenshin, it's just that...*trails off* 

Kenshin: What is it, de gozaru yo? 

Kaoru: *gathering courage to speak of her feelings* Kenshin, I... 

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono, you can tell me anything, de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo... 

Kaoru: *head snaps up* What the heck?! *looks suspiciously at the embarrassed rurouni* What's going on, Kenshin? 

Kenshin: *sheepishly takes out little recorder, which is chanting a very familiar phrase* "de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo..." *laughs unconvincingly* I-I guess it ran out of batteries, Kaoru-dono. 

Kaoru: Kenshin no baka! *smashes handy shinai into his head* 

Kenshin: *eyes all swirly-eyed* Orororororo... 

*in the background* "de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo...de gozaru yo..." 

* * *

**A/N:** Ooookkaayy, that's enough for now :) How was it? Funny at all? If so, please leave a review so I know weather or not to continue this insanity. Arigatou! 


	2. Saitou's Image Song Fiasco

Disclaimer: I feel nice today, so no sarcasm. *pouts* RK belongs to the abnormally-talented Watsuki (I can't remember how to spell his first name at the moment, so I will refrain from trying). Britney Spear's songs...belong to whoever wrote them. Don't sue me; if you do, I'll be forced to run you over with my Fangirl Powers. *cheerfully* Have a nice day!   
  
Author's Notes: So I'm back…and crazier than ever! Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers. *pause* All…three…of you. ^_^ But it's okay, I'm glad someone got a kick out of my demented creations. There's only one scene this time, but it's a bit long--hope you enjoy it!   
  
Dedications: To mocha pecan ice cream. Mmmmm…   
  
**Scene 5**   
  
Saitou: Why does everyone get an image song except me? *blows out stream of cigarette smoke* *scornfully* Ahou. All of them. *more ciggy smoke*   
  
**A/N:** Stop right there! *brightly* Kids, don't smoke! It's bad for your health! Saitou-san here will end up with yellow teeth, wrinkly skin, and black lungs in a couple more years, so don't be like him!   
  
Saitou: *dangerously* What?   
  
**A/N:** Eh…he…he…he…just go back to bemoaning your lack of an image song.   
  
Saitou: *decides to ignore the author* Even the two little brats have an image song.   
  
Tokio: Oh, honey, it's all right. I'll find you one.   
  
Saitou: …   
  
Tokio: *delighted* In fact, I have the perfect song for you! *whispers in Saitou's ear*   
  
Saitou: Tokio! I can't sing that!   
  
Tokio: *purrs* Please? For me?   
  
Saitou: *grumbling* The things I do for you, woman.   
  
[Karaoke Night at the Akabeko…]   
  
Sano: Oi, Kenshin! Stop hogging the stage! You've been up there three times already!   
  
Kenshin: *sheepishly* Sorry, Sano. I like to sing.   
  
Yahiko: *muttering* We can tell.   
  
Sano: Just get off before you start singing the "sake" song. *shudders*   
  
Kenshin: *somewhat offended* I thought that the sake song was rather nice.   
  
Saitou: *appears out of the shadows behind Kenshin, wisps of smoke curling around his head* Battousai. Move.   
  
Kenshin: Why should I?   
  
Saitou: Because it's my turn.   
  
Kenshin: *blanches* O…ro?   
  
Saitou: *sourly* Just get off the stage, Battousai.   
  
Kenshin: *walks off in a daze, chibi images of Saitou in J-pop costumes dancing around his head*   
  
Audience: *looks at Saitou in similar state of shock*   
  
Kaoru: H-He's going to SING?!   
  
Sano: *turns away* I can't watch.   
  
Saitou: *snarling* This is _my_ image song, which has been long overdue, so shut up and listen!   
  
[Silence. Crickets chirping.]   
  
Saitou: *drops cigarette and calmly steps on it* Begin.   
  
[Background music starts, and The Akabeko pulses with a sensuous, jungle-like beat.]   
  
Saitou: *deep, provocative voice* I'm a slaaaaave for you  
I cannot hold it, I cannot control it   
  
Tokio: *cracks whip*   
  
Saitou: I'm a slaaaaaave for you  
I won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it   
  
Misao: I-I think I'm going to be sick…   
  
Aoshi: *urge to retch breaking through his icy calm*   
  
Saitou: Baby, don't you wanna dance up on me  
To another time and place *pelvic thrust*   
  
Yahiko: My eyes, my eyes!   
  
Kenshin: What is with all of this pelvic-thrusting lately de gozaru yo! *panic adding more of that well-known phrase to the end of his sentences than usual* First Shishio de gozaru yo! Now Saitou de gozaru yoooo!   
  
Kaoru: Stop that! It's getting on my nerves!   
  
Kenshin: What de gozaru ka?   
  
Kaoru: THAT! *smacks him on the cheek with that handy shinai*   
  
Kenshin: *flys into the air* Orororororo…   
  
Saitou: Oh, baby, don't you wanna dance up on me  
Leaving behind my name and age *panting*   
  
Tokio: Work it baby!   
  
Saitou: I'm a slaaaaaave for you  
I cannot hold it, I cannot control it  
I'm a slaaaaaave for you  
I won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it  
*raspy whisper* Get it get it, get it get, oh  
Get it get it, get it get it, ohhhh…  
*alternate panting/whispering until music fades out*   
  
Tokio: *proudly* That's my Saitou!   
  
* * *   
  
A/N: Twisted, twisted…but review, please! *whining* Pleeeeaaaseeee??? Pretty please? With a Kenshin on top? Uh-oh, bad thoughts. ^_^ But I would be forever grateful! Geez, is this pathetic or what? I sound desperate...ehehe... 


	3. The Shishio/Kenshin Catfight And More We...

Disclaimer: *sings loudly and off-key to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"* Oh, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, oh no I don't! If you think I do you're craaaaazzyyy…*side lyrics* But not as crazy as me. *grin*   
  
Author's Notes: I feel so…special…*big sparkly eyes* So many more reviews than last time! Thank you, everyone! I love to make people laugh, and I'm glad I was able to bring some humor into your life. Looks like insanity is pretty widespread here on ff.net, eh? *nods approvingly* My kind of people. "De gozaru on tape" seems to be the favorite scene by far-it's mine too! Though how I came up with it, and if I'll ever think of anything remotely funny like that again, I don't know. ^_^ But I sure as heck will try! Oh yes. ShinigamiShadow reminded me that I have some prizes to hand out. *digs out handfuls of Kenshins from her Endless Supply of Kenshins Bag and tosses them to the reviewers* *beaming* Kenshins for everybody!   
  
Dedications: *solemnly* To plastic sandwich baggies, without which packing lunch would be far more difficult.   
  
**Scene 6**   
  
Aoshi: *watches Misao skipping happily down the road from the temple* *lips curve _ever so slightly_ in 3/7 of a smile*   
  
[From the bushes off to the side…]   
  
Everyone Spying: *GASPGAPEINSHOCKOMG*   
  
Kaoru: *screeches* Did he just SMILE?! That ice cube? Is-   
  
Okina: -the world coming to an end?   
  
Sano: -Hiko gay?   
  
Kenshin: -Sano going to stop freeloading?   
  
Yahiko: -it possible for you to cook a decent meal?   
  
Kaoru: YAHIKO! *whips out The Shinai* Come here, you brat! *starts hacking away at him*   
  
**Scene 7**   
  
Kenshin: *jumps 20 feet in the air* Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu…RYU TSUI SEN!   
  
Mysterious Man Kenshin Is Fighting: *steps calmly to the side*   
  
Kenshin: *smashes into the ground* Ow.   
  
Mysterious Man Kenshin Is Fighting: *smirk*   
  
**Scene 8**   
  
Shishio: *sneering* So what, Battousai? I bet that red hair is a wig!   
  
Kenshin: *outraged* My hair is all natural!   
  
Shishio: Sure it is. You keep telling yourself that.   
  
Kenshin: *hotly* At least I don't have mini palm trees sprouting from my head!   
  
Shishio: PALM TREES?! I'll have you know that women like this look!   
  
Kenshin: Sure they do. You keep telling yourself that.   
  
Shishio: Why you!   
  
Kenshin: *taunting* What?   
  
Shishio: Girly man.   
  
Kenshin: Mummy boy.   
  
Shishio: Cross dresser.   
  
Kenshin: Dried twig.   
  
Shishio: Shorty.   
  
Kenshin: Raisin.   
  
[Cat-fight ensues, nails and all]   
  
Shishio: *death grip on Kenshin's hair* Take that back!   
  
Kenshin: *pulling at Shishio's bandages* Never!   
  
Sano: *pause* These are two of the most powerful men in Japan. Shinomori, you sure you still want that title?   
  
Aoshi: Not anymore I don't.   
  
Saitou: *watches bickering pair from corner of his eye* Wise choice.   
  


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A/N: Heh heh…I always wanted to see Kenshin and Shishio in a catfight. Review, please! Support the Make Luce Happy And Feed Her Ridiculous Imagination Cause! ^_^   
  



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